Jokes
A man was pushing a pram containing *
a screaming baby along the street. All
the while the man kept repeating
quietly : “ Keep calm, Bill” °
“Don´t scream, Bill ” It´ll all be ok, Bill”
A woman heard this and said to the man:
“You really are doing a good job or
soothing your son Bill.”^
The man looked at her and replied stonily< : “I´m
Bill.”
* pushing a pram containing Attention = der Kinderwagen beinhaltet ein schreiendes Baby
° Keep calm = bleib Ruhig/Gelassen
^ You are really doing a good job or soothing your son = Sie machen das gut wie sie versuchen Ihren Sohn zu besänftigen
< replied stonily = antwortete mit steinernen Miene
Lisa Grünwald
One day, Timmy asked:
"Daddy, are carterpillars (Raupen) good to eat?"
His father was annoyed.
"I´ve told you not to talk about things like that during meals."
"Why did you want to know?" asked his mother.
Timmy said: "It´s because I saw one on Daddy`s salad, but now it`s gone."
“That`s really unhygienic,” complains the man.
“It´ll be more unhygienic if I drop it again,” replies the waiter.
Three old men were at the doctor`s for a memory test.
The doctor asked the first old man: “What is three times two?”
“184,” came the reply.
The doctor turned to the second old man.“What is three times two?”
“Tuesday,” replied the second old man.
Finally the doctor addressed the third old man.“What is three times two?”
“Six,” came the answer.
“That´s great,” said the doctor.“How did you get that?”
“Simple,” said the third old man.“I subtracted 184 from Tuesday!”
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. I t was a sad, funny kind of film; you know the type.
In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film.
After the film had ended I decided to go and speak to the man.
“That´s the most amazing thing I´ve seen,” I said. “That dog really seemed to enjoy the film. It´s remarkable!”
“Yeah, it is,” said the man.
“He hated the book.”
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:00, the store´s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curses. On the man´s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line …
“That does it! If they hit me one more time,
I won´t open the store!”
A man was pushing a pram (Kinderwagen) containing a screaming baby along the street.
All the while the man kept repeating quietly:
"Keep calm, Bill."
"Don´t scream, Bill."
"It´ll all be ok, Bill."
A woman heard this and said to the man:
"You really are doing a good job of soothing your son Bill."
The man looked at her and replied stonily:
"I´m Bill."
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
“Wow!” said her father.
“That was short.
You usually talk for at least two hours.
What happened?”
“Wrong number,”
replied the girl.
At school, the maths teacher notices that Billy isn´t paying attention in class.
“Billy! What are 3, 6, 25 and 43?”
Billy quickly replies:” NBC, CNN, HBO and the CARTOON NETWORK.”
Druckversion